Circle Sessions on Mental Health Part 4: Finding Creative Purpose
One of the most common questions I get is “how did I go from Graphic Designer to Social Work?” It’s a fair question and something that I have long been in awe when looking back and where I am now. So let me tell you how I went from a Milspouse artist to a mental health advocate.
“Because of this narrative, I fought seeking help for what I now know to be postpartum depression and a bipolar depressive episode for the entire year and then the six months of reintegrating back into a family. ”
If you were to tell me just three years ago that this was going to be my path in this military life, I would have never believed you. Three years ago, marks one of the darkest experiences in my life as well as one of the most life changing moments. It was a time where military life had thrown a curve ball, I had always understood was possible, and what I hoped to not experience: a year without my husband who in turn would lose the first/second year of our children’s lives. The day I excitedly broke the news about our second pregnancy was the day he came home announcing the solo tour to S. Korea. From there, we began planning and trying to make sense of the logistics this entailed. We saw two options: stay at our current station, where I would give birth and raise our 1.5-year-old/infant thousands of miles away from family or move back in with my parents who could be extra sets of hands throughout the time. As a family, we chose the latter.
The dynamics of handling the fact that my husband moved halfway around the world three days after our daughter was born and the chronic mental health symptoms that have been a lifelong companion became a silent weight that I would be so bold to say all people feel about something at some point in their lives. My personal narrative at the time was “Push away those thoughts, you are a Military Spouse. You’re lucky this hasn’t happened sooner. Look at your beautiful, healthy children! How can you possibly feel anything but joy. This is what being a spouse is—this is my duty. Just survive—others need you more than you need to work on yourself.” Because of this narrative, I fought seeking help for what I now know to be postpartum depression and a bipolar depressive episode for the entire year and then the six months of reintegrating back into a family. The funny thing about being in survival mode, is that our brains are literally wired to protect us from everything including the emotions that may derail us from achieving the safety of in this case, solo parenting/healing from birth/the family dynamics of being back home/pcsing without my husband/the growing pains of becoming a family of 4. When I type all of this out, I am in awe of my abilities and also look back with a ton of empathy to that version of me.
While I was working through arguably the most difficult time in my life, my one lifeline was my artistic creations. I leaned on those paintings and creations because despite finding a therapist, I grew tired of talking about everything. I began painting daily for hours at a time when I could and after we moved to our new station, kept creating to escape the truths about reintegration. A few months before the chronic mental health symptoms reached their peak, I realized my lifeline could help others in the same situation. I realized I have not heard of any kind of artistic program for the active duty community. Something ignited within me and I just knew that this was my mission and way to find my place in military life. What I have used to help through the specific military life struggles could help others in the same position as myself. I saw a gap in services and a need for other mental health treatment options. Before I could second guess these feelings, I applied to graduated school—not for fine art like some expected—but for social work..I chose social work because I knew that if I wanted to bring a program that has not been done for the active duty community before, especially a creative therapy program, I would have to learn to advocate and navigate government systems. I then leaned on painting and committed to therapy to get through that time. Eventually, I found myself saying:
“You have the power to shape what becoming a military spouse means.” You can combine creativity & the gift of transparency to help others. You have found creative purpose.”
Fast forward to today and I am nearing the end of my MSW degree, interning at the mental health clinic on base and have a small business whose sales go towards this future program. I have worked on a mental health mural depicting 27 different people from the military community who wanted to put faces to the mental health statistics in the military and support creative therapies. I have studied military mental health policy and have based my graduate schoolwork on how I can bring creative therapies to the military community. I know that my program will happen at some point and continue to pivot expectations of when this program should be available. I have the gift of transparency, of public speaking and of artistic ability. I am a mother of two phenomenal kiddos, a wife to my biggest supporter and finally found my place in military life. I am a military spouse artist turned mental health advocate and I am excited to see what the future holds!
